Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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