i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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