I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
