Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
