and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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