Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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