I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
