I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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