But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Randomize
