Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
