is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
