I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
