i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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