How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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