i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Blood and glitter go together right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
