Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I currently don't understand fingers.
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