She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
