yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
