Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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