I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
