So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
