Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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