My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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