Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
