watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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