So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Randomize
