Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
