I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
