White coat. Heels.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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