i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
