Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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