I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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