I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
