I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
