Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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