i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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