I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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