I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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