After last night, I could never be a politician.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
