just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
