Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
