i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I love having hate sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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