I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
