i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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