i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
