Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
