youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
