im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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