mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
