Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
