So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
