I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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