tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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