Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
