Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
