Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
