who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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